\title{Urgent Newsflash: Origins of \LaTeX}
\author{anonymous}
\begin{Article}
\frenchspacing
U.S. Government Department of Defense papers released yesterday reveal
the true source of the \LaTeX\ document preparation tool.  Under the
twenty-five year rule, hitherto secret Military Intelligence papers have
been released into the public domain, detailing the Government
involvement in the development of a prototype software tool.

Major General Charles Schultz publicly apologised at a press meeting
held to diffuse what was described as a `tense situation' as the
unsavoury origins of the `alleged software' were finally unearthed.
Developed at the height of the Cold War, the prototype system was aimed
at crippling the so-called `information net' within the Soviet high
command. Maj. Gen. Schultz said, `We realised what would happen if an
enemy organisation actually tried to create documents with this thing.
Of course, it seems cold-blooded now, but you have to remember that this
was at a time of war.' He added, `We never expected it to get out into
general circulation'.

Apparently, the software was released into a controlled environment
under the cover of a beta-test at several academic sites in Europe and
America. `We put in place all safety measures. However, we didn't fully
appreciate the tenacity of academic staff in using and then illegally
copying it into the wider environment. With hindsight, we should have
taken a warning from the fact that they still thought Fortran was a good
idea.'

DoD boffins are rumoured to have panicked and released a beta-version of
Emacs, the strangely popular editor-cum-operating-system in order to
stem the spread of \LaTeX. However, Maj. Gen. Schultz declined to
comment.

\end{Article}